As a lifetime member of the “What the fuck just happened?” club. It took me a lifetime to learn, adjust, and accept that toxic people need to live in their own space, and that space is something that I prefer not to invest in.

As simple as that statement is, not investing in someone toxic. That’s where it all begins and ends. We’re the ones that make connections and interactions complicated.

How? If they’re bringing the toxicity.

Unfortunately, we all bring a certain level of toxicity to our interactions. But than there are those who are the overachievers in the toxic game. These toxic turds, knowing or unknowingly want to personally crush your light.

Why?

Well, let’s leave that to the professionals to figure out. Our job is to persevere. Yep, our only job is to level up, so that we can beat them at their own game.

I know, I know, you might be thinking, no, they need someone to set them straight. Yeah, good luck with that. They carry around their own special little Hell of sanity…especially when they enter your sphere of peace. They might appear to be very charming, but scratch that surface…a quiet and private secret society of common sense that can only be defined by them exists.

Did you ever wonder why, they spend years in therapy? Or avoid therapy all together?

Life is all about the long game, and at one time I was my own worst enemy. Trying and thinking I can outsmart them with my mouth. Playing into the game of, who can out-shout each other, or talk more smack. Never realizing, that the frustration or need to PROVE something, was just my own shadows of fear trying to prove something to them (the parts of me I didn’t want to heal or recognize yet).

Emotional mastery is all about mastering you, and your emotions, obvi!

Yep, it has nothing to do with them, and what “they” should be doing or not doing. It’s about why you’re still allowing them in your life, and why you’re triggered by how they’re handling your connection.

As I’ve said, I have a long history of toxic connections in my life, starting with my Mom. Then as years went on I had several many friendships that were toxic. I was fortunate to keep my love life toxicity, low in numbers. For some reason, I learned very quickly with men. Sure, the first ones…were there to sharpen my skills, so that any future “dusties” had little to no chance. But for some reason, the female connections in my life, such as friendships and co-workers, those took years of unwrapping the old patterns and responses to heal.

My awareness started first by choosing to walk away from some obvious toxic connections, but the real work came years later when I had to put up some serious boundaries with my sister. That was the connection that completely leveled me.

I was completely clueless about the level of hate she had for me.

Like most toxic people she wore a mask for years. Slowly through time that mask was coming off, and the real her was emerging. This was my last key to turn, perhaps because it was the hardest.

Going forward, she will have her stories, and I will have mine. But the reality is, no matter who the person is, if that person breeds an environment of trivializing or invalidating feelings, shows a lack of support and respect (they prefer to only engage with those who are as cool and interesting as they are), guilt trips, blame shifts, and especially has zero desire to sit down and talk or be open to share the responsibility of the breakdown in the connection. Buyer beware! This is a classic toxic person and connection.

So, what do we do? Well, unfortunately, nothing.

How do we change the situation? What is the survival kit?

Personally, I thought for years that I could somehow, work with these types of individuals and relate with them one-on-one. Keeping an attitude, if we could just see each other, and recognize that we’re both just trying to get along and find some mutual ground, things can be all good.

Nope, I have been there, and like I said, they carry a very special personal brand of entitlement. If professional therapists have a difficult time, why do we think we can find the magic key? They’re never going to change, we can only pray, and hope, that we can find our answer and strength in that situation. And don’t even think that calling them out is the answer. Because that level of toxicity…is deep! Believe it or not, it could make it worse.

Your Survival Kit:

Reduce the significance of them in your life and limit the time you spend together. If you can eliminate them completely….do it!

Have ZERO reaction in their presence…do not engage. In fact, I used that exact statement to the last toxic person I encountered. I stated, “I’m not going to engage with you.” Then turned and walked away. At first, it felt weird, like I should hold my ground and choose some witty “fuck you” statement back. But, when I said it and walked away, it was incredibly empowering. Number one, because I wasn’t replaying the situation over and over in my head, looking for self-validation or justification of why I chose to say those words back. It was very self-empowering!

Glow-Up! Do everything you can to live life on your terms and find what makes you happy! Toxic people despise those that…achievers. Never look less or petty, create high standards, and leave being basic to everyone else!

Talk soon Besties and Badasses!

xxx Sage