Hey…Besties, Beauties, and Sigmas, Sage here again! I need a moment, tonight I went to an HOA meeting in the building where I live. A total of 6 people live in our building, so it was a small gathering.

Well, as I shared my perspective on some issues that have been occurring, one of the other owners interjected their displeasure regarding some emails I had sent previously to the owners.

How my chosen vernacular was very disruptive, though I assure you these emails were tame. No, they weren’t about, “Can’t we all just hold hands and sing kumbaya?” The spice level was a 3 maybe 4 out of 10.

The emails were more about, challenging their choices. It’s not like after reading them, the owners could barely get soup down for days, because they were so fraught with anxiety. In fact, the specific owner that was coming for me, even stated, “I don’t even read them.”

Really? Then how do you know they’re so offensive?

This one owner was going in hard now, I expressed that I never insulted you, or anyone who lives here, I just expressed my frustrations.” But, they were digging in deep now. So, as we both sat there and continued to “spin” our sides, both sides were solid in where they stood.

I can completely understand that they had zero tolerance for how I expressed myself in some emails. Compliance is not my strength. But now, the other party proceeds to tell me, to Fuck off!?! Okay!

Weren’t they just the ones who were upset with me for being too outspoken, candid, brash whatever adjective one would like to select? Who is the one truly out of line now?

What no one knew in that meeting was that another owner and I had already agreed to speak about a specific matter in the meeting. I even printed up the quotes for him, for me to have on hand for others to review. When the moment came for him to start, he either froze or chose. Choosing to NOT discuss it, or simply frozen in fear.

Fear, that he would be judged because his need to be accepted now overrode his original intention. Even though he always had plenty to say behind the scenes.

So, I took over and shared what I thought was a mutual frustration, that needed to be shared. But, what I never imagined was his complete lack of support during, and then complete crickets after. No call afterward, saying he was sorry, “I just didn’t have the courage.” Just SILENCE. Intentional? Possibly.

Recently, I have come to the complete understanding…that I’m not here to comfort other people’s feelings when involved with any type of “difficult” exchange with me. I am there, to be honest! If my honesty, triggers others, that’s their issue to deal with.

One would think this journal post is regarding a moment in time, trying to get a message across to others. This goes far deeper. To me, it’s all about INTENTIONS. Intentions are the true underlying factors here and that’s what creates a firestorm of insecurities.

Everyone seems to be in a constant state of protection mode. Worried that someone or something will be taken from them. Constantly in defensive mode. Armoring up their homes, themselves, and personal items. Worried, that something precious, a job position, an advantage they wanted, a person, a reputation, an item, or something financial will be taken.

I have no true connections with any of my neighbors, just surface. One, a gentleman and I have had several conversations about where we live, and about the ups and downs of the building. Another neighbor has helped me in a couple of difficult moments, and with another, I’ve shared design insight for their place at their request. So, no true friendship, no deep knowing of who they are as a person. This need to keep everyone at a distance is normal, it’s because of fears, and a lack of trust. But, humans are allowed to have contrasting opinions, and express doubts and should not be received as a hostile invader stocking up on “Zip Ties”…no matter the perceived tone.

Other peoples’ opinions are just that, opinions. But, if they go against someone else’s desires or wishes on how they carry themselves or need for a specific outcome. Or even worse yet, their values. Then that is when the problems start.

I don’t fade or fawn. Most people need to tell others what they want to hear to get along and belong. I’m honest and direct, perhaps their discomfort is with my AUTHENTICITY! I get it, you’re uncomfortable with my forthrightness and ability to not hide behind a mask.

So once again, another learning experience. Even though there were no ill intentions on my part, it was very clear that the mere fact that I challenged them, and did not comply with a preferred status quo. Did not sit well, and they got mad!

I have never over-identified with my limitations, or perceived limitations by others. But it seems, my ease with self-acceptance…makes others uncomfortable. Noted!

xxx Sage